I\'ve been through this a few times.
Telling all your friends you love them is one of best things you can do right now.
Comparing yourself to your lost friend is one of the worst. Nothing wrong with self improvement, but no need for the guilt, brother. We are all works in progress. Show your love for your lost friend by trying to improve in an area of theirs you admired.
But keep your head up. In my limited experience with you I think your a pretty good dude.