Criteria for being a real fan:
-must travel (even hitchhiking if necessary) to all shows in all states
-must be at risk of losing your job at all times because of all the sick days called in for Breakfast travel
-must be at risk of overdrawing your bank account at all times. If it is a positive balance, you are not doing your part to support the band
-fluency in at least 2 of the following: taint, gypsy, Wildpack, wook