By Matt SchildDecember 23rd, 2008Thanks to a world filled with freeloading downloaders, merchandising—long the tacky, distasteful necessary evil of the music industry—has become the tacky, distasteful pride of the music industry. With bands unashamedly putting their names on just about anything that’ll hold it, you’re certain to be able to find a music-related gift your favorite rocker is sure to despise just as much as any old fruitcake. Unless, of course, Fall Out Boy has a branded fruitcake available for sale.Ween coloring bookWhat happens when an artist with a penchant for drugged-out, bad-trip paintings attends one too many Ween concerts? She develops the notion of the Ween coloring book. After super-fanning it up and following the band on its La Cucaracha tour for one too many cities, Seattle artist Thea Wolfe had the, uh, pipe dream of immortalizing Dean and Gene in a coloring book. It was more than a bad chemical reaction, and, after putting pen to paper, Wolfe actually achieved something that’s even weirder than Ween’s music. The $20 coloring book walks you through the altered states of Ween fandom with 21 illustrations, including Ween members gleefully yanking their own viscera out onto a plate, or disguised as centaurs inexplicably cavorting in a field littered in castoff bras, or as majestic rock deities in quasi-Eastern metaphysical settings. Huffable markers sold separately. Makes a perfect gift for: Those Ween-obsessed 5-year-olds who were so tough to shop for last year.Of Montreal paper lanternIt’s no secret that Of Montreal main man Kevin Barnes is a bit of a head case, flitting in and out of depression and anxieties as he wrote his band’s last few albums. These days, the marketing department at Polyvinyl Records is following his lead. Not content to offer Of Montreal’s latest, Skeletal Lamping in the usual formats, the label went all out developing new ways to release the same songs. It hit the jackpot, packaging Skeletal Lamping in seven different physical forms. Going past the pedestrian vinyl and CD releases, Of Montreal fans could embrace packaging excess in all its forms. As a CD that folded out into a three-dimensional cardboard sculpture. As a record sleeve that mutated into a white horse. As T-shirts. As a button collection. As a pile of wall decals. Most useless of all, as a paper lantern. At least it’s on par with the sonically and thematically nutty Lamping.Makes a perfect gift for: Any one of Barnes’ seven or eight schizoid alter-egos.Metallica light switch plateWho isn’t tired of not invoking the awe-inspiring legacy and power of metal’s preeminent merchandising juggernaut every time they turn on the bathroom lights? Nobody, that\'s who. With a bit of home décor that’s about as pleasing and unnecessary as everything between the black album and Death Magnetic, Metallica throws its brand into the world of interior lighting with a fury. The $8.99 stainless-steel switch plate—which is, naturally, emblazoned with the famous logo—covers a standard on/off light switch. With any luck, the band will have one manufactured for dimmer knobs by next Christmas, so fans can more effectively fade to black.Maybe home accessories were the natural next step for Metallica’s merchandise department, after already conquering bar furniture (the Metallica bar stool), seasonal decorations (the Metallica Christmas stocking), and linens (the Metallica pillowcase).Makes a perfect gift for: That one dude who just can\'t decide whether to watch Metalocalypse or HGTV.Misfits Christmas lightsThe coffins are wrapped and under the tree, the zombie expectantly looks at you from under the mistletoe, and a festive red ribbon perches on the end of your devil lock. You only need one thing to make the scene complete: a string of holiday lights that bear the Misfits’ iconic fiend face on each and every bulb. It’s hard to imagine the band that penned horror-punk classics like “Bloodfeast” and “Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight” would have much in the way of holiday spirit, but season can melt even the darkest undead hearts.Makes a perfect gift for: Everyone that takes The Nightmare Before Christmas way, way too seriously.
Makes a perfect gift for: Those Ween-obsessed 5-year-olds who were so tough to shop for last year.
pret-Weens
