CyberSex Chat Logs [VERY Funny, Slightly Mature]

[davepeck]

http://www.quq.dk/cybersex.htm

i guess it\'s safe for work, no pics or anything.. just hilarious back and forth text..

...
bloodninja: So you\'re still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate: Yeah, I\'m wrapping a towel around myself.
bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The ********* and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate: What the f**k?
DirtyKate: You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate: F**k

:lol:

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don\'t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty ***** of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don\'t ***** with me bitch, I\'m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don\'t ever message me again you piece of shit.

followed by:

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I\'m ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the *****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I\'m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you ***** up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

rotfl

[antbach]

although these are probably made up, they\'re still hilarious:

evil_sarah: So you like bbws?
VictimX4: Nope...I Luv BBW"S...;o)))
evil_sarah: You\'re sort of cute.
VictimX4: ThanXXX...;o)))
VictimX4: Am Truly Honored...
evil_sarah: You look like you really know how to handle a woman like me.
VictimX4: 24/7...........;o)))
evil_sarah: So what would you do to me if I was there right now?
VictimX4: cover you in cane syrup and start licking you from your toes up to your ears...
evil_sarah: Mmmmm. That sounds good. Then what?
VictimX4: rub you down with baby oil and make HOT SLIPPERY LOVE to You For Hours...
evil_sarah: I only have 5 toes.
evil_sarah: Is that a problem for you?
VictimX4: is ok with me...
evil_sarah: Ok.
evil_sarah: I lost one of my legs in Desert Storm.
evil_sarah: They didn\'t show any of it on CNN, but it was hell over there.
evil_sarah: I was really in the shit.
VictimX4: am a vet also...
evil_sarah: yeah. From what war?
VictimX4: Nam Era...
evil_sarah: Really?
evil_sarah: You kill a lot of gooks over there?
VictimX4: some...was in Armor...a Tanker...
evil_sarah: You kill any women and children?
VictimX4: not that I Know of...
evil_sarah: I did.
evil_sarah: I hit them with the flame thrower.
evil_sarah: They tried to tell me they were civilians but I knew better.
evil_sarah: So I torched them.
evil_sarah: One of them threw a grenade and blew off one of my legs.
VictimX4: was pretty lucky...came back "Almost" like I left...
evil_sarah: What do you mean "Almost"?
VictimX4: still think about tymes...there...but ok Physically...
evil_sarah: Yeah? Did you ever make a neclace out of ears?
VictimX4: you never really forget...
evil_sarah: I did.
VictimX4: no...tried very hard to keep my Sanity...
evil_sarah: I still have a finger neclace that I wear every day.
evil_sarah: It stunk for a while but now it\'s just like a bunch of beef jerky.
VictimX4: did not get to bring anything back...
evil_sarah: They didn\'t want to let me keep it on the transport back so I had to hide it in my ass.
evil_sarah: It hurt. The fingernails kept scratching me.
evil_sarah: Let\'s not talk about those times.
evil_sarah: You were just about to oil up my stump.
VictimX4: ok...
evil_sarah: Keep going. Tell me what you would do next.
VictimX4: completely lost the mode...sorry...
VictimX4: mood...
evil_sarah: Come on. Pretend I\'m one of those Saigon whores.
VictimX4: mind kinda wonders off to those tymes...
VictimX4: they were not really all that hot...alll skin and bones...
VictimX4: not cuddly at all...
evil_sarah: Tell me I\'m a slut and pull my hair.
VictimX4: I like to do that...;o)))
evil_sarah: What\'s up with that link on your profile? You have herpes?
VictimX4: yes...one thing I did get to bring back...
evil_sarah: I got it too from Kuwait.
evil_sarah: No big deal. I can deal with it.
VictimX4: me also...
evil_sarah: Does yours itch?
VictimX4: am pretty lucky...only a few tymes a yr...
evil_sarah: Sometimes i can\'t tell if it\'s the herpes or the vaginosis. But it itches like crazy.
evil_sarah: It smells horrible too. Like a burning tire.
evil_sarah: So come on. You were in the middle of oiling me up.
evil_sarah: Let\'s get it on.
VictimX4: Sorry ...maybe some other tyme...maybe???
evil_sarah: No. Come on. You got me all excited now.
evil_sarah: Don\'t you want to have cyber sex with me?
VictimX4: can not concentrate right now...
evil_sarah: Why not?
evil_sarah: You\'re not having flashbacks to the Nam are you?
VictimX4: not really flashbacks...just bad memeories
evil_sarah: Like what?
evil_sarah: You hearing voices?
evil_sarah: You got gooks in the peremiter?
VictimX4: you always hear their voices and see their faces...but worst yet is when the faces
VictimX4: you see is their Death Face...not when they were alive...
evil_sarah: Oh yeah. Now your\'re getting me hot. Keep going.
evil_sarah: I\'m sucking on one of the fingers from my neclace right now. Hello?
VictimX4: have to hit the showers. Got to get up for work tomorrow.
evil_sarah: No don\'t go!
evil_sarah: I\'m almost finished.
evil_sarah: I\'m fingering my self with one of the bigger ones from my neclace.
VictimX4: don\'t have tyme
evil_sarah: This fuckign vaginosois. Makes it look like it\'s covered with cottage cheese.
VictimX4: sounds nice. Bye.
evil_sarah: You hoo haa!
evil_sarah: A real man would at least finish a woman off.
evil_sarah: You have no backbone.
VictimX4: But I love you! You are a bbw!!
evil_sarah: That\'s why you couldn\'t bring yourself to torch those women and kids In the Nam.
evil_sarah: I once burned a kid to death with a pack of matched
evil_sarah: because my flamethrower was out of gas.
VictimX4: Bye.
evil_sarah: I smuggled one guy\'s brains back in a mayonnaise jar.
evil_sarah: I put it on crackers and eat it at special occasions.
VictimX4: You\'re sick. Goodbye.
evil_sarah: Mostly on Holidays. I don\'t have much left.
evil_sarah: Are you still there?
evil_sarah: ANSWER ME!

[obsession600]

This guy (?) is hysterical. I seem to remember one in which he played the role as a rhino. "I impale you upon my phallic horn etc."

[davepeck]

Rhinoceruses don\'t play games. They fucking charge your ass.

Partner6: So you\'re really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg: Uh, It\'s cause I\'m into the latina gangs and sh*t. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.
Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg: Ohh, it\'s so big.
Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6: It likes that.
J-Dogg: aight.
Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...
Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6: WTF?!
J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6: I\'ve had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...
J-Dogg: Shit just don\'t shoot me man, I wasn\'t serious about the guns I have, I\'m unarmed!
Partner6: You dipshit.
J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg: please don\'t shoot me Mr.

Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!

bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The ********* and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....

rotfl

[obsession600]

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don\'t know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i\'m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don\'t wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it\'s just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don\'t play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn\'t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: **** am I hard now.