Texts From Last Night

[jking]

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

Dude, I woke up at my ex\'s house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

(303): How was Boulder?
(720): We\'re still here. We can\'t find _____.
(303): How\'d you lose him?
(720): He ate a bag of *****, wondered off, and keeps calling saying he\'s at the zoo feeding the tigers
(720): The zoo is 60 miles away and we called just to be sure - they don\'t let people feed the tigers

(925): so explain again why im purple
(617): no

(619): Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!

you\'re welcome!! :biggrin:

[Klout]

(512): I pooped in a mop bucket.
(1-512): WTF???
(512): Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that

[phirehead]

"My room smells like vodka and shame"

^Best text ever

[Klout]

(765): just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn\'t look away.

(360): I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.

[Jim Cobb]

(360): I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.

sounds like every night of my short stint in college.

[Me!]

(773): he\'s the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving

(401): my mouth tastes like poor choices`

(856): My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?