To continue my efforts towards boosting the thread\'s words per post average, I offer a firsthand account from an anonymous lurker who read my previous post - the one I specifically warned against reading - and found himself the victim of the unsafe conditions surrounding a point in spacetime in which gravitational forces cause matter to have an infinite density and zero volume. Here is his story:
"I certainly didn\'t think he was serious as I read through the small print below his sarcastic commentary on the subject matter of the thread. But as my archaic iBook G4 laptop began to shake violently, I began to revise my conclusion. No logic board failure or kernel panic could have been causing this. I\'d always wondered if Steve Jobs were some sort of evil sorcerer, but at that moment I knew the collapse of matter I was witnessing was the consequence of my own wandering eyes. It looked as if this laptop was a piece of old newspaper, slowly but surely balled up in preparation to be used as kindling for a fireplace. But it didn\'t stop there, no sir. This ball of metal kept crunching in on itself, getting smaller and smaller until it became hard to even see on the surface of my desk. I started to notice a strange queezy feeling in my stomach as I watched my pencil holder slide towards the center of the desk and collapse into this tiny ball of matter. Then went the cell phone, followed by my speakers, and then the desk itself began it\'s collapse. At that moment, everything got a bit funny. This point had become so dense that even light could no longer escape it\'s menacing gravitational pull. Before the impulse to run jumped a single synapse, I felt my physical existence - as i knew it - end entirely as I became part of this tiny force of destruction.
I came to days later. Or anyway, it seemed like days had gone by. What had transpired during that time, I couldn\'t tell you, but sitting at my desk reading silly threads on .info felt like ages ago. I opened my eyes and found myself naked, lying in tall grass that seemed to go on forever. I couldn\'t see anyone or anything but grass, however I knew I was not alone out here, wherever here was. And then the horrifying reality set in as I began to realize where I was. If anyone had told me I\'d find myself in this terrible place, I\'d have never even opened that horrible, pointless thread, let alone reading that stupid waste of a post, despite it\'s clear warning. So please, I beg of you, learn from my mistake. History need not repeat itself. We must move forward. We are all one mind. Don\'t allow my horrible fate to be in vain. It\'s up to all of you. Be of service to one another. You are ALL brothers and sisters regardless of any perceived differences. The only separation between any of you is only the separation you create. The cells that make up your body can\'t grow as one if they are at odds with one another. If that were the case you\'d get sick and wouldn\'t survive very long. As below, so above. Humanity is sick, and will not survive very long unless the cells that make it up begin to realize that they are all one body, and act accordingly. Don\'t focus on how this person or that person could be doing more, or acting differently. Focus on your own progress. If everyone keeps their side of the street clean.... Well then, I guess we wouldn\'t need those big street cleaning vehicles that always seem to back up traffic, and it\'s always when you\'re already late for something... Like what the hell, man? Why now? Shouldn\'t they send those guys out at like 3am or something? Now I\'ve got to reschedule my colonoscopy, and this doctor has a long waiting list. I made this appointment like 4 months ago. So please, I beg all of you. Let us band together and eliminate the need for those ridiculous, pain in the ass street cleaning truck things."
So, yeah that\'s that. What\'s the WPP average now?
