Summer Tour 2002 Review

[Wolfman]

[ChrisPitch]

Seth

Your review is great. I laughed throughout. My favorites are the running over of the raccoons, the Bama-UMass head-to-head, Tim\'s plea to the audience after the no-applause, the fact that Adrian licked the bug screen (I got 10 bucks for eating a tiny bowl of butter!), the ill-fated tire repair, and the overall statistical breakdown, although there\'s no way you calculated all the notes. Also, I cannot believe there were 77 wrong turns. Unreal.

You get tons of credit for compiling the stats. It must have been more consuming that the actual writing of the review. But it\'s worth it. Otherwise, how else would we know how many different toliets you used? Seriosuly though, I\'m a big fan of statistical analysis of irrelevent info and I thought it wrapped up the whole tour perfectly. Very funny stuff.

But I need to know, if you can recall, what are the seven catch phrases that were repeated ad nauseum? And how do they rank among each other? And how many times was each one said? And, ah fuck it.

Proverbially,

Chris Pitch

Also, that Oregon Country Fair show has extremely bizarre jamming, but I like it. Unique. It\'s too bad people were standing around fucking fire.

Again, I enjoyed reading it. Great work.

[Wolfman]

Thanks Chris!  That review is the 2nd longest thing I have ever written.  I loved every second of writing it as much as being out on the road.

I do count the number of notes played at every show, including vocals.  Go back to the Yahoo group and dig up my statistical breakdown of how many notes each of them plays per night.  Next time we\'re at a show, ask me how many notes they\'ve played, and at the end of the measure, I will tell you.  

Wrong turns are a dime a dozen.  We could quickly pile up 5 or 6 in confusing cities.  Ron and Tim have incredible senses of direction. If they were as inept with direction as me and Jordan, it would have been 177.

I\'m trying to remember the ad nauseum phrases now, a year later.  There was the everpopular SO-RRY!  Also, "dollars to donuts" was one.  "Happy horseshit" was a third.  D-d-d-d-d-DOOZIE was a fourth.  Can\'t recall the rest right now.

Hopefully my buddy and I make it to the show in Chicago tomorrow.  I want to leave at 6AM for the guaranteed show, but my traveling partner is a stoner and there\'s no way I\'m going to get his ass on the road before 9.  

Wolfwords, Inc.

[ChrisPitch]

Next show we\'re at, I\'m definitely asking about the notes. Of course, I\'ll have no way to verify your number since I will not be counting any notes. But I\'ll take your word for it.

Also, if had I gone on tour, it would have been 277 wrong turns, even if I didn\'t drive at all.

CP

[tiedyetoga]

At the No Moore show I started to count notes, but said fuck it. It drove me insaine. How you did it, is beyond me.

[davepeck]

wolf and all..

i\'m in the process of throwing some simple html into this thing to make it easier to access everything. formatting may be off when you first see it, but it\'ll all be fixed..

i\'m also gonna make it a sticky, cause it\'s that good! a must read for any fan! :thumbsup:

[Wolfman]

Thanks Dave!  See you next weekend! I bought my first suit today!!

[dogpatch]

Sweet review man! Very comical and entertaining and informative and real nice all around, oh yeah.

[FrankZappa]

bumpworthy read:

Part 6.
6/18/2 Barstools; Clemson, SC

Club Spelling: Pcydelic Breakfast


      We arrived mad early and had time to sit around and gawk at the ladies and take bike rides on Ron¡¦s bike. You want shark infested waters, how about Clemson Tiger cheerleading tryouts? I ran into it while riding around campus. DAMN! Must¡¦ve been 500-1000 of them. We saw a high-speed chase while sitting in a restaurant. At this restaurant they take the sushi approach to all meats. (Don¡¦t cook it.) YAK! The van air conditioner shit the bed, leaving us to drive with the windows down for the rest of tour for any hope of staying cool. The show was something else. It¡¦s a small, flat room with no sound, lights, or stage. First set had a decent crowd. Then, just like the night before, 2nd set quadrupled in size! Next thing you know there is a huge crowd of raging college kids in a small carpeted room who had no idea what they were getting into going bonkers upon realizing that the band in front of them is totally nasty. Does this scenario ring a bell to anybody? ƒº Highlight of the night was the all-female grind line. You just don¡¦t get that every night. Go Tigers.

[DocEllis70]

Originally posted by Wolfman

Worst drive:[/u] Eugene to Chicago. This drive was an absolute doozie of epic proportions.  The van can do up to 80 MPH on flat stretches of highway, but on hills it goes down to 30-50 and there’s nothing you can do about it.  The hills in Oregon and Idaho and Utah and Wyoming slowed us down tremendously.  Then we got a flat tire at 1am on a pitch black stretch of highway in Wyoming.  (Fast fact: Greater New Haven has more residents than the entire state of Wyoming.)  So we try to unlock the padlock that closes the casing of the tire, only to find that it is so rusted that the keys no longer fit.  So we rip the casing off.  Then we start unbolting the tire, and find that one of the bolts is shaved so bad that the iron is useless in getting it off.  We need to attack from behind, but in order to do that we have to unscrew the entire tire-holding apparatus from the back door.  So we do that, and then after 30 more minutes of prodding and a little olive oil, we get the damn thing off.  Then we go to raise the van with the jack and realize that the jack is mysteriously too big to fit under the axle.  So we raise the van from the only other safe point, and put a cinder block under the jack.  Up, up, up, ooh…2 inches short of going high enough to get the new tire on.  SO-RRY!  Then we had to reinstall the flat (actually, it was demolished) tire just so we could put the van down.  Meanwhile, the 4-way flashers and interior lights blew out the battery.  It is pitch black and trucks are going by at 90 MPH and our van is totally dark about 2 feet off the road.  It’s windy and quite cold.  Nobody has cell phone service.  We flagged down a trucker who called for help, then we piled into the van to stay warm and wait.  Every truck that zoomed by shook the van tremendously, and all I could think about was how if one of those drivers dozed off for even a second, we were toast.  Eventually help came, fired up the battery, and raised the van.  The entire ordeal cost us 3.5 hours and a few hundred bucks.  We were 24 hours into the drive, and hadn’t stopped for more than 30 minutes besides this disaster.  We drove another 28 straight hours after that, which got us to the Illinois/Iowa border.  That’s right folks, 52 hours of straight driving with only stops for gas, 2 sit-down meals, and repairs, and we were still 4 hours away.  What a doozie!
 

    tough day..

[Whathefunk]

WOW! so glad i stumbled across this tonite.....i\'m at a lose for words right now, but seth this should and surely will be considered one of the "great texts" of breakfast history

a must read for any fan! :thumbsup:

[SlimPickens]

I typically find the bump of 3 year old threads annoying, but not in this case.  Thank you whathefunk for throwing my morning off schedule by reviving this Wolf-gem.  Favorite line:

"...and when you do find a hot one you are often shocked to find how much hair she is wearing under those clothes."

[Wolfman]

Thanks guys!  It\'s one of the very best things I\'ve ever written.  This piece is on the \'Breakfast Fan\'s Required Reading List\' along with Breakfast Digest, the tour journal on breakfast.net, and "The Italian Lifestyle For Dummies."

[delfunk1]

Wow.......just Wow

[freddiewaht]

:wah: