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I need a forum where I can vent about a personal matter, and I find this to be the best place because I have a lot of dear friends here who won\'t pass judgment on me for it and I would like to hear other people outside my family\'s opinions on the matter.
As a few of you may or may not know, a few years ago I was hospitalized in a mental institution. I spent three days there until I was released under the supervision of my mother. They had come to the conclusion that I was suffering the onset of paranoid schizophrenia. It was amidst a manic episode that lasted long after the hospitalization. They had prescribed me lorazepam for my panic attacks and seroquel for antipsychosis. The seroquel made me feel like a zombie, I couldn\'t even remember the weeks I spent on it, so at my request the doctor took me off that and kept me on the lorazepam.
This took place when I was living in Madison WI and I had come to the conclusion that it was best for me to come back to Massachusetts where I was most comfortable and lived in a better atmosphere for me. When I got back to Massachusetts, I sought help at the local family services bureau. I had to apply for statefunded insurance so that I could afford the help I needed. Once I got help, they decided that I was in fact bi-polar and prescribed me the lorazepam like before and also lithium as a mood stabalizer. I went through this for like 8 months and the lithium felt like it was sucking the life out of me. I had no excitement, no joy in life, and the problems had stopped affecting me right around when I started getting treatment there, so I eventually stopped getting treatment and went back to my normal life, pharmaceutical free, busy at work and had no issues for a long time. Granted I may have a bit of mood swings from time to time, but who doesn\'t. i worked on focusing my energy at maintaining a normal lifestyle so I wouldn\'t have to go through those problems again.
Anyways, I had to visit a psychiatrist today for reasons that don\'t really matter, and I had to explain the whole ordeal to him and it was his opinion that I should go back into treatment. He said that having bi polar disorder, that it will only get worse and worse over time to a point where I may not be able to control it anymore. Fact be known, I\'ve had no problem controlling it ever since I got off the medicines and have had very little issue since then. My worry is that when on the medicine, I am no longer myself. I don\'t have the zest for life that I have and enjoy. I may be a little depressed at times, but who isn\'t? and I surely deal with it in my own ways which aren\'t detrimental to myself or society as a whole. I enjoy having the mind that I have and wouldn\'t want it any other way. So I don\'t know whether to resume with getting psychiatric help, which would lead to me being drugged up and devoid of any real emotion, or just be myself and continue to live my life as the person I was intended to be.
Just curious to hear what other people\'s take on the situation is. Also if you have something dickish and rude to say, save it for when you see me in person. I\'m all ears. -
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I\'m of 2 minds on this. On the one hand the Dr. is most likely right if you truly are Bi-Polar. It\'s pretty much a symptom of every Bi-Polar that at one point or another they feel they have it licked. Convincing oneself you still have it licked as **** goes south is where the trouble lies.
However I have to remember when I was a Psychiatric Nurse what I used to tell patients that were doing well to the point of no longer needing hospitalization as it was not doing them any more good at the time "If you don\'t tell anyone. No one will know you\'re delusional."
Basically if you\'re able to lead what you consider as normal a life as you can AND you\'re happier, stay the course but as soon as **** goes south do not be afraid to seek help you may need.
Good Luck. No wonder you\'re a celtic fan. ;P -
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Bro,
Do you know how many freakin\' diagnosis I\'ve been handed in my life?
College years... "Bi-Polar II"
More recently, when I was withdrawing from **** benzodiazapine addiction... "Scziophernia", possible personality disorders... whatever.
Did I take this as some kind of mark on my person? **** no. I realized, ****, maybe I\'m actin kinda crazy, maybe I need to get my **** together.
Not saying my story applies to you. But, if you\'re feeling your soul sucked out of you on antipsychotic meds... DON\'T TAKE EM. I know you well enough, brah. You\'re not psychotic. I\'m sure you\'ve got issues. Most of us do. Maybe yours are deeper than most of ours. Maybe they\'re not deeper than mine.
Either way. Be your self! So you got a dark side? Worddd. Igzy, if you\'ve known me some times in the past, you might know that I can be the most serious hard core BOSS motherfucker around. Whatever. That\'s just not how I choose to live anymore.
I know you got the spark of life in you, cause I\'ve seen you dance.
I know you got the love of God in you, cause I\'ve seen you smile.
I know you\'re not an idiot, cause you\'re smart enough to realize The Breakfast is the most serious band around.
Don\'t get down on yourself. **** 99% of all doctors. You decide who you are. And you\'re a good person. Pretty **** awesome person, as far as I can tell.
Do what you love so you can be happy. Just focus on doing what you love. When you begin to love your life, you will begin to love your self, and you will attract people of like mind and like vision around you.
Your life will become full of love.
Get to it, brah. -
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thanks brosephs.
obviously i take what the doctor says with a grain of salt. psychology is up there with astrology on my wall of fake sciences. this guy just talked a good game and got me second guessing myself. which that in itself is a dickish thing to do. granted there are people out there that are seriously tapped. but lets face it, this is me we\'re talking about. -
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yo, astrology is legit !
Saggitar-I
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I\'ve dealt with bi-polar disorder personally, if you can do without the meds, leave them be. Honestly, and this is from experience, if you eat a healthy diet (go as natural as possible), take a good multi-vitamin every day, get good sleep, and get outside and get some fresh air and take a break when you need it you\'ll find your mood changes should be much more controlled. I know what can happen with meds... I\'ve seen it firsthand. What I\'ve seen from extended medication use for bi-polar is that one med stops working so they switch meds/dosages, get it wrong, you\'re having worse mood swings both down and up than you ever had before, as they try to figure it out and so it goes indefinitely. I\'m becoming more of a believer everyday that many of the diseases we hear about more and more like bi-polar, autism, etc. are becoming more common because of all the environmental poisons that are building up, not just the fact that were able to better diagnose these diseases now.
Drugs and Alcohol of course can set off a downwards mood swing, not the day you take them, but the days following it. I\'m not saying I don\'t drink and such but I\'ve definitely cut down and when I started paying attention to my mood after a big night of partying, I noticed it was usually not good for a few days or more afterwards. Just be aware of it, if you go crazy partying, it\'s gonna affect you... but you got to have some fun sometimes!
Stay off the meds if they\'re changing who you are and not really helping much, it\'ll be better if you\'re just yourself as long as the bi-polar doesn\'t get too bad, to the point of endangering yourself or others. Life has it\'s ups and downs, just got to deal with them when they come and not let anything get you too far down. Keep the smile on brotha and live it up while you got the chance! It\'ll all be over someday, and who REALLY knows what comes after that. Don\'t let \'em turn you into a zombie... that\'s no way to go through life, you know that. -
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get a second opinion. even a third if it makes you feel better.
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Quote from: oldnewbie;267141
get a second opinion. even a third if it makes you feel better.
Only having a cursory experience with someone in your shoes i will say this.
I took him years of doctor visits and research on his own before he found the right balance of meds / lifestyle. It is different for everyone and no one will take your health as serious as you do. He was same as you. zonked out by most of the prescriptions, which then gives reason to stop and then issues come up. He would think he would be fine without them and for a while it would be ok but then it wouldn\'t. finally he seems to have found the right balance but it took a lot of opinions and going to find a doctor who was willing to work with you. -
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Igzy.. first off, HAPPY **** BIRTHDAY BROSEPH....
I do have some experience with people with bi-polar disorder as well as schizophrenia......In my opinion i would say ALWAYS trust your gut and keep looking to find a doctor that YOU are comfortable with......Anyway, hang tough brother, love ya and hope to see you soon.... -
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I wholeheartedly agree with some points brought up.
1. Second and third opinion minimum. See if you can find someone that has a good vibe and patients that have had success or at least have good things to say.
2. Educate yourself. Like crazy. Google everything. Go to the library. e.g. http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/bipolar-diet-foods-to-avoid
3. I absolutely agree with Bret on the diet thing. We are all subject to being poisoned by **** in our food and the crap in our environment. MSG, aspartame, HFCS-bad bad bad and the list goes on and on.
We need to learn that there are foods that can harm you, but there are plenty of foods, herbs, and natural supplements that can heal you. Again, research it like crazy and don\'t stop.
And I\'m not saying that there aren\'t meds out there that may help you. It\'s all about finding the right one and the right dose. -
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I like what Mark had to say.
If I wasn\'t such a spaz I might have said it with so much class and restraint, myself
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well.....obviously his meds are more correct than yours.
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Hi there Folks,
You all haven\'t heard from me before, but I must say that I\'m very moved by the support you guys give each other. I\'ve lurked around towards the back of a bunch of shows and it\'s always quite obvious that there is a tight-knit group of super fans that support this amazing band. You\'re all great and I can say that only one musician (FZ) has caught my obsession like The Breakfast, good gawd, please don\'t ever stop.
Music aside for a second, I have alot of empathy for our friend here. I think Mark hits it right on. My recent experience working in a private school in central Vermont for the most special case students in the state (ages 8-22, we\'re the last stop before institutionalization) have helped me understand your situation a little better. Educating yourself is most important, It sounds like your doing that man. Make educated decisions for yourself and listen to people you love and trust, it\'s all relationship based. Talking out your feelings with people you trust is some pretty powerful stuff. Do what you can to make yourself feel healthy in body and mind.
I think the biggest part of real therapy is that your getting help developing coping skills, not getting told what the hell to do, just gathering techniques to help yourself out. Techniques that you trust and feel and believe in, not some bullshit. If it works for you, great. If it doesn\'t, just move on to something else having the understanding that you can feel any-friggin-way you\'re gonna feel. "IF IT SOUNDS GOOD TO YOU, IT\'S BITHCHEN. IF IT SOUNDS BAD TO YOU, THEN IT\'S SHITTY (FZ)." Right? I mean, **** man, Meds are there to set boundaries and structure if neccessary. They are not supposed to re-create you as a person. I hope you\'re surrounded with people you love AND trust, and really get to work through things. No need to really get into how powerful music and community are, it\'s obvious by reading the responses.
Best of Luck Pal, and what\'s up with the B\'watah triangle post link? I grew up there in MA and spent some time walking around there looking for signs of sasquatch. Lot\'s of funny stories about that place.
Jim H.- fan since Hawks Nest at UHA. -
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Glad someone noticed the Bridgewater Triangle blurb. Its just where I grew up and live to this day and it fascinates me. I always feel drawn back here by some strange force. There\'s all sorts of crazy history here with the King Philip Wars and spooky places like Profile Rock in Freetown where there have been stories of Satanic Rituals and sacrifices. Just figured I\'d share some local lure with my sig.
Thanks for speaking up and its always great to have new members of the community. I\'ve done well at keeping myself in check the past few years, even have notes written as to what works best and what not, I was just feeling a bit unsure after my appointment the other day. Thanks for the kind words everyone, and anyone that struggles with a problem, just remember its only a label, and you have the power within you to help yourself feel better and reach out when you feel otherwise. stay strong my brethren. -
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Quote from: Igziabeher;267211
Glad someone noticed the Bridgewater Triangle blurb. Its just where I grew up and live to this day and it fascinates me. I always feel drawn back here by some strange force. There\'s all sorts of crazy history here with the King Philip Wars and spooky places like Profile Rock in Freetown where there have been stories of Satanic Rituals and sacrifices. Just figured I\'d share some local lure with my sig. .
Interesting, being from the area I had never heard of the triangle. Southeastern Mass woods are scary. -