For this experiment you will need:*1 road bike (with clipping shoes and slick tires)
*1 large hill, preferably with sharp bends in it. (I used
Brushy Plain rd / RT740 in east haven)
*mud/sand on the road from rain within the last day or two
*1 guardrail
*at least one witness (peck)
*complete disregard for phrases like "slow down", "go easy", "be careful", etc.
directions:1. Start down hill
2. Acknowledge, but don\'t appreciate the full candid of warnings about how sharp turns are and steep hill is from witness
3. Take first turn way too fast but recover, continue
4. Take second turn even faster even though you have slowed significantly (you should be doing at least 30mph+ at this point)
5. Cut wheel sharply and break to avoid guardrail. Break hard while on loose sand.
6. loose control
7. don\'t panic
8. stop thinking, it will only lead to bad places. live in the moment and let be what will be
9. wonder what you\'re going to make for dinner
10. due to slide, let bike turn to at least 45 degrees twoards the rail, continue braking.
11. come to a complete stop
12. acknowledge Newtons first law (I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it. ) and how it relates to the laws of conservation of energy (you cannot create or destroy energy, only convert it) Therefor, even though you have come to rest, temporarily, as soon as you release the break or try to straighten up, you will continue to move, most likely in a downward rolling direction. This is not advisable. To hold in current possition will force the full weight and speed (g-force) of body in motion onto my arms as they are holding the breaks in possition. Also unadvisable as you are currently falling sideways. Therefore,
13. As handlebars come in contact with guardrail, release right arm from handlebar and wrap it around rail
14. As handlebars fall below guard rail, release left arm and wrap it around other side of guardrail
15. Give guard rail your biggest bear hug.
16. Your body is now currently twisted almost completely sideways at the lower back. Lock abs and begin to arch lower back upwards to correct
17. Put yoga practice to work and do your best Salabhasana with arms still wrapped around rail and bike still attached to feet at clips:
18. Feel bike lift over your head, tighten grip on rail and think "This isn\'t really that bad, no one seeing this would think anything weird."
19. Hear witness yell out "HOLY SHIT!"
20. rethink second part of step 18.
21. loosen back, tighten abs and begin to lower out of salabhasana
22. bike will disconnect itself from body due to weight
23. kneel on ground
24. reattach chain that somehow popped off
25. acknowledge "I told you to go slow!" and continue, only 20 more miles to home. Marvel over how this is the first time anything like this has ever happened.
:lol:
