Contest! Make Wolfman Burp!

[Wolfman]

Well, this is really embarassing, but maybe the forum can save me.  

As some of you may know, I cannot burp.  This is a lifelong handicap I have endured.  I have burped maybe 10 times in my life, all by accident, and just puny little squeaks that are barely audible.  I feel the need to burp, particularly when I drink beer or water, but I can\'t do it.  Instead, the built up gas slowly subsides over a couple of hours.  It\'s a horrible way to live.

Many people have tried giving me advice, but nobody has been able to give me the magical anecdotes that can teach me how to burp.  Anyone who can post directions on how to burp that cure my horrible ailment will be rewarded to the tune of an evening for you and 4 of your friends at Sally\'s Apizza, on me.  Thanks for your caring and good luck to both of us.

[Todd]

Wolf- It\'s all about the massaging of the belly with the abs....work \'em. Kind of like pushing out that pesky #2 that forgot who it works for, only higher in the belly. That\'s the best way I can explain it. It just comes natural to me!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone...eat up and BURP!!!!

[freddiewaht]

wolfy my boy,1 pint glass,fill it with root dr pepper.drink it.nuff said

[Wolfman]

Won\'t work Freddie, I\'m telling you, I\'ve ingested all sorts of stuff in my life, plenty of beer and Dr. Pepper and Ginger Ale and all things gassy, and it doesn\'t matter.  I need help.

[freddiewaht]

ok,have you ever tried swallowing air?its hard to explain how to do but just try swallowing air and keep doin it until you burp,or pass out.

[FrankZappa]

Originally posted by freddiewaht
ok,have you ever tried swallowing air?its hard to explain how to do but just try swallowing air and keep doin it until you burp,or pass out.

It amazes me that tim hasnt written a song about you yet wah wah. your right up there with Ronnie and Kenny from Let\'s Make The Water Turn Black fame

haha

[freddiewaht]

actually,uncle freddy is about me.only kiddin!what would he write about?im a simple guy.

[FrankZappa]

we should get on him to write some lyrics if wolf doesnt beat him to it with his freestyle posts. call it the wah wah song. just a little ditty about someone that gives tours, drinks guinness. listens to episode 2 on a continuous loop, and generally has a good time.

hell, they wrote the Kote, didn\'t they?

[freddiewaht]

true.seeing they havent played kote in i dont know how long,(peck?)maybe they can somehow fit me into the song.pretty bad idea!

[bluefunknebula]

funnel 2 quarts of gassosa laced with pop rocks, stand on your head for 60 seconds and immediately upon completion, begin doing jumping jacks* until the desired effect in achieved.

*expand and contract your stomach muscles while jumping and be sure to inhale deeply while vigorously bringing your arms over your head

[Wolfman]

Where does one acquire gassosa and pop rocks? Trader Joe\'s or Home Depot?

[bluefunknebula]

score the funneling apparatus from home depot, the pop rocks anywhere they sell candy, and a good pizza place gotta have the foxon park flowing (tho i don\'t think sally\'s does). belly up to the counter and grab a couple quarts of the gassosa. that stuff is supercharged with carbonation...and quite delicious.

[bluefunknebula]

....or try this simple home remedy my mom just told me:

warm water and lemon juice.

hope something works for you!

[DocEllis70]

wolf..can u hiccup? if you dont hiccup its worth it. i hate em. oh Gassossa is a fine Foxon Park soda that may be the answer to your problems. see you at the pizza tourney?

[Wolfman]

Yes, I can hiccup, unfortunately.  Except for burping, I can perform every other bodily function, including hiccups, sneezing, coughing, farting, speaking, breathing, smoking, sleeping, knuckle-cracking, hair-growing, card-dealing, note-counting, kegels, javelin throw, hacky sack, backgammon, and tantric sex.  But I can\'t fucking burp.