The Breakfast.info
General Discussions => Spunk => Topic started by: Wolfman on November 26, 2003, 10:36:22 pm
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Well, this is really embarassing, but maybe the forum can save me.
As some of you may know, I cannot burp. This is a lifelong handicap I have endured. I have burped maybe 10 times in my life, all by accident, and just puny little squeaks that are barely audible. I feel the need to burp, particularly when I drink beer or water, but I can\'t do it. Instead, the built up gas slowly subsides over a couple of hours. It\'s a horrible way to live.
Many people have tried giving me advice, but nobody has been able to give me the magical anecdotes that can teach me how to burp. Anyone who can post directions on how to burp that cure my horrible ailment will be rewarded to the tune of an evening for you and 4 of your friends at Sally\'s Apizza, on me. Thanks for your caring and good luck to both of us.
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Wolf- It\'s all about the massaging of the belly with the abs....work \'em. Kind of like pushing out that pesky #2 that forgot who it works for, only higher in the belly. That\'s the best way I can explain it. It just comes natural to me!!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone...eat up and BURP!!!!
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wolfy my boy,1 pint glass,fill it with root dr pepper.drink it.nuff said
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Won\'t work Freddie, I\'m telling you, I\'ve ingested all sorts of stuff in my life, plenty of beer and Dr. Pepper and Ginger Ale and all things gassy, and it doesn\'t matter. I need help.
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ok,have you ever tried swallowing air?its hard to explain how to do but just try swallowing air and keep doin it until you burp,or pass out.
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Originally posted by freddiewaht
ok,have you ever tried swallowing air?its hard to explain how to do but just try swallowing air and keep doin it until you burp,or pass out.
It amazes me that tim hasnt written a song about you yet wah wah. your right up there with Ronnie and Kenny from Let\'s Make The Water Turn Black fame
haha
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actually,uncle freddy is about me.only kiddin!what would he write about?im a simple guy.
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we should get on him to write some lyrics if wolf doesnt beat him to it with his freestyle posts. call it the wah wah song. just a little ditty about someone that gives tours, drinks guinness. listens to episode 2 on a continuous loop, and generally has a good time.
hell, they wrote the Kote, didn\'t they?
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true.seeing they havent played kote in i dont know how long,(peck?)maybe they can somehow fit me into the song.pretty bad idea!
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funnel 2 quarts of gassosa laced with pop rocks, stand on your head for 60 seconds and immediately upon completion, begin doing jumping jacks* until the desired effect in achieved.
*expand and contract your stomach muscles while jumping and be sure to inhale deeply while vigorously bringing your arms over your head
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Where does one acquire gassosa and pop rocks? Trader Joe\'s or Home Depot?
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score the funneling apparatus from home depot, the pop rocks anywhere they sell candy, and a good pizza place gotta have the foxon park flowing (tho i don\'t think sally\'s does). belly up to the counter and grab a couple quarts of the gassosa. that stuff is supercharged with carbonation...and quite delicious.
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....or try this simple home remedy my mom just told me:
warm water and lemon juice.
hope something works for you!
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wolf..can u hiccup? if you dont hiccup its worth it. i hate em. oh Gassossa is a fine Foxon Park soda that may be the answer to your problems. see you at the pizza tourney?
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Yes, I can hiccup, unfortunately. Except for burping, I can perform every other bodily function, including hiccups, sneezing, coughing, farting, speaking, breathing, smoking, sleeping, knuckle-cracking, hair-growing, card-dealing, note-counting, kegels, javelin throw, hacky sack, backgammon, and tantric sex. But I can\'t fucking burp.
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OK guys, I\'m going to attempt a bunch of remedies today at the pizza tourney! If you have any more ideas get \'em in before 4PM today!
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well, its official, wolf really cant burp. anyone that can chug a foxton park and do a head stand without burping probably wont burp for anything.
oof- 8 pizzas for 11 people, that was almost a large each! i\'m still carrying around all that dough. rough afternoon.
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Well, we tried one of the solutions last night at the pizza tourney. After eating all that pizza, I chugged about 20 ounces of Foxon Park "Gassosa", a gnarly lemon-lime ginger ale type beverage that is easily the gassiest thing I\'ve ever quaffed. :gulp: My stomach immediately expanded to about 3 times its normal size and I was short of breath, but I couldn\'t burp. Then I stood on my hands for about 3 mintues, until my head felt like it weighed about 100 pounds and I could feel solid chunks of pizza sliding back up my esophagus and into my mouth. And yet, through it all, NO BURP. There was about 20 minutes where I felt things coming up, but I couldn\'t tell if I was going to burp or puke. I felt like ass though. It was worth it. I\'ll try the warm limejuice one next.
Still hoping,
Wolfgas
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wolf...i can\'t believe all that pizza AND the gassosa without a burp. that is a severe condition, i feel real bad. i found some other people who were discussing the same affliction:
from
http://www.aron.org/blog/archives/000207.php
"Posted by sean at July 21, 2003 02:29 PM
I got a chest x-ray this afternoon, and as usual, there was this big gas bubble sitting in my stomach. Thing is, I can\'t burp. I never have. Literally, I\'m just unable to burp. I don\'t know if it\'s that I don\'t know how to do it, or if I just lack some essential muscle that the body uses to push gas upwards while keeping puke down there. If I have gas it either unnoticably burbles up little by little, it gets eaten by Tums, or it goes throught the whole system and gets expelled out the back door.
Posted by: Lauren on July 25, 2003 12:23 PM
You are the first person that has the same problem as me! No Kidding. Nobody ever believed me growing when I told them. I\'ve been told it\'s because a some kind of flap inside that is backwards or something, and doesn\'t let the air out. I\'m not really sure. I just deal with it. Just to let you know you can pass it to your children because my daughter can\'t burp and when she eats a lot and needs to burp, she\'ll throw up. If you ever figure this out let me know.
Posted by: Starla on October 17, 2003 10:42 AM
You know, it\'s kind of nice to know that there are actually other people out there who have the same problem... I\'ve always felt so alone... like I\'m defective or something! Non-burpers unite!"
i did a search to find more information, but most of what i found had to do with people not being able to burp after having surgery on the esophagus or gastro-intestinal surgery. i also found that greyhounds, cows, and rats cannot burp.
this one site burp tablets (http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Burp_20tablets) was interesting...but in actuality it is not intended for people who cannot burp.
try the warm water and lemon juice mixture...there\'s gotta be something out there that can help!
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Wow, I love those comments, it\'s group therapy for people who can\'t burp. Like me. There are other freaks like me! Oh joy! I feel so welcomed. Thanks bluefunk!
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Hey wolf, I found this thismorning and it made me think of this old thread. enjoy! From the june 1992 letters section of phish.com
Trey:
Why do you think we don\'t notice when you pick your boogers onstage? Whenever you play the drums you "hide" behind the cymbals and think we can\'t see. Is this a statement that you believe people should be able to belch, fart, etc.? Even when onstage? If you\'re actually trying to hide, as you pick your boogers, then remember that a theatre is a very big room and many people can see you from many different angles, some of which may not portray you in the way you desire. We understand you may not print this, and that\'s o.k. We want to spare you any further embarrassments.
Take care. Love, You.
You:
You\'ve touched on a very sensitive issue. My mother, like so many unfortunate women in the early 60\'s, had a habit of snorting household chemicals during pregnancy. As a result I was born with the rare disease Windus Blockus Syndrome. In short, I\'ve never belched or farted. For years Blockus Syndrome (or B.S. as it\'s commonly referred to) was considered fatal and incurable! But in 1965, one year before my birth, a cure was discovered. I was one and a half weeks old when I underwent surgery to implant a nasal relief valve" in my left nostril. By inserting my finger into my nose I can open the valve and release the offending gasses. To the layperson, it may look like simple nosepicking, but in reality it is a great scientific leap into the future. -- Trey
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hahaha ..trey...a ball breaker!??! no!!?
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Hilarious. I forgot all about this thread. I think you would die if you couldn\'t fart.
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"how did the dinosaus all die you ask? why they all burped, belched, farted, hicpped and sneezed at the same time and the shock killed em\'!
- old man working in museum, ren and stimpy cartoon
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Originally posted by FrankZappa
"how did the dinosaus all die you ask? why they all burped, belched, farted, hicpped and sneezed at the same time and the shock killed em\'!
- old man working in museum, ren and stimpy cartoon
best episode ever.